Fear

It always starts like this
I smash my brain into the wall
I bite my lips until the darkness falls
And then I beg on my knees

I try to think of what I've become
Where my happiness might have gone
Is there reason behind this?
Is there ground below my feet?

Am I the center of my dreams?
What is that face that I see
Every time I try to sleep
It is hiding behind my eyelids.

Picking a fight with myself
Oh, why is it so hard?
Don't give up
Don't surrender to the pain
Loneliness is inside my brain
I have 99 reasons to be afraid

That's what it has come to
Cigarettes, coffee and torture
There's no one around
And the bites grow stronger
The blood gets colder
I can't feel my hands as I'm writing
I can't make things happen
Not by myself.

I don't deserve what I get
So I make myself feel bad
About love and pride
But I can't say goodbye
To my selfish mind.